weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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