My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
