Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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