kristin has been a bad kristin
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
