I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
