she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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