I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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