yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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