I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
