so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
