i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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