I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I have post one night stand depression
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