Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Can I color on your dick again?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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