five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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