you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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