whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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