If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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