i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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