I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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