The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
