Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
