I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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