He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
