I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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