Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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