if i can run in heels then i can drive
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
