my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
