We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
