"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
