The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
