Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
