you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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