Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
