Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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