My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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