She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
