Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Randomize
