We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
