my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
