Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
