I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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