ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
you had me at cake vodka
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
