i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
