it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
