There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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