She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
