yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
