A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
