hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
