I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
