I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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