She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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