..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
