I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
